Promises are made to be honoured

I shall never forget that day (it was 3 days after my marriage to Ashok Bose).  Before signing on the marriage certificate or license or whatever, he had solemnly promised not to drink after that day.  For the first 3 days he was as good as his word and I was quite happy that things would be taking a good turn and this marriage was not a failure after all.  I could not find Ashok from morning that fateful day; I asked everyone in the house, the servants, the yoga teachers who came in the morning.  But no one knew where Ashok was, till the youngest servant said he had spotted him downstairs drinking in the cowshed where Meghu and his men kept their cows.  I went; I saw and came upstairs, hid myself behind some furniture and howled as if it was the end of the world.   Rooma (Ashok’s sister) came to console me and said many comforting words, none of which registered in my brain.  I was crying not so much that he had betrayed my trust but because he had uprooted my entire upbringing.  How can anyone promise and then break it?  How can one be so flippant with one’s sacred vows?  Is this another world?  Was this an endless pit I had got myself into?  Where was I?

Dada and I had probably been brought up in a straitjacket compared to the parenting principles of today.  Our parents had a no-nonsense attitude; you simply did not lie; you must keep your word without lame excuses.  The word ‘promise’ was hardly ever used at home because keeping your word was of prime importance without having to say ‘promise’.  There was no question of swearing in God’s name – you just did not need to! 

As I have aged I have understood that there are people who make promises to break them or rather promise for the sake of promise with no intention of keeping it.  However, there are others who promise with all good intentions but get delayed due to occupations or the increased hazards of living.  George, my second husband, often failed to keep his promises due to his professional life – he lived and loved working in hotels.  However, he never missed our birthdays or Christmas – always there cooking, arranging a party, games and making sure everyone was having a good time. 

I have tried to instil the same values in my children and know they might flip-flop at times, because they cannot ignore the outside influence.  I know for sure that the inherited values I have passed on to them will be triumphant at all crucial instances.