Ashok Bose

24th July 1942 - 29th September 1998

Buddha Bose's eldest child and Bishnu Charan Ghosh's eldest grandson at 4/2 Rammohan Roy Road, Calcutta-9, grew in the lap of luxury and attention. He was born shortly after Bishnu Ghosh’s eldest son died in a fire accident and therefore, the amount of doting and pampering Ashok received from his grandparents and parents cannot be imagined. Nanima (Ashalata Ghosh) told me once that if and when Ashok sat on the floor, someone would immediately make him sit on a silk asana or mat.

Besides being born at an opportune time, Ashok was incredibly handsome right from his cradle. Clear blue eyes (which turned clear grey with green flecks in middle age) and the fair skin made him a winner any time. In fact, when I first met him in 1970 I compared him to Ryan O’Neill (remember Love Story); Ashok could easily pass off as a carbon copy, inclusive of the birthmark near the nose.  Just the other day one of his school and classmates, Biswanath Mukherjee said Ashok was too handsome!

Ashok was an adorable child, no doubt, but his intelligence taught him how to charm everyone and get what he wanted, even from a very young age. Not that what he wanted was always beneficial or required.  He would get extra pocket money from his grandfather by telling him what he wanted to hear and then play the same game with others in the house. He did not receive the ethical guidance on such matters, to be honest, and so what started as a way to whet his childhood appetite became a way of life.

Ashok suffered from severe convulsions when just a few months old. His mother, who was just sixteen years older, had her parents to give her support and courage during those devastating situations. I know how terrible it can be for any parent because my eldest son inherited this illness with the good looks from his father. Back to the story, Ashok was sedated with Gardenal (my son too) for some time and then eventually the doctors predicted that he would either become epileptic or develop uncontrollable temper. The latter became a reality.

Biswanath, Ashok’s friend told me that he would often go for shows on yoga and other physical shows with his grandfather even during the school days. I know he was a great yogasanist and could tell a person’s ailments just by looking at him or her. I am witness to that. But he was frivolous in his attitude and by the time we got married he was already on the way to leisure, pleasure and only ‘my way’. He never took anything seriously and was never aware of his responsibilities as a husband or a father.

Ashok loved children.  He would play ball or catch-catch with his own sons as well as with his brother’s at times.  However, the kids sensed his unruly temper and played along to keep him happy.  Ashok could fly off the handle at any given time.  Then there were moments when he would come pretty high, loaded with small toys or games for the children.  Those times he could be very endearing. He was also quite a disciplinarian and would never hesitate to try to correct even outsiders, if he saw things out of order.

By the time he finished college (Scottish Church) Ashok had developed a strong taste for alcohol.  Unfortunately, there was very little discipline at home.  He grew up in an atmosphere where he had the idea that he was God’s gift to women and his family. No constraints at home just paved the way for a disastrous life.  But, in those years there are two things worth mentioning. He was an excellent pilot and had a commercial pilot license (CPL). He was even inducted into Indian Airlines, he and a few of his batchmates from Behala Flying Club, where the instructors held him up as an ideal example for the new students.  The airlines job did not last for long, not even months!  Rajiv Gandhi (Ashok’s friend and junior) and a few others were appointed before Ashok’s batch was taken in and that upset dear Ashok. He created a ruckus and naturally Ashok’s flying career came to an end. Free at last!

Ashok more or less got what he wanted.  So when he became an adult he wanted a plane he got one.  He wanted to go to Japan, soon after our first child was born, he got it.  He came back a few months later and then wanted to go Thailand. Yes, why not. So it was arranged. This is one place where Ashok did good work. Yes he taught yoga, opened a centre and even took an expert masseuse from his grandfather’s (Ghosh’s College of Physical Education) centre to Bangkok. He helped this man, Modo, settle down there, paid for his fare back to India to get married and then helped him to go back to Thailand with his new wife.  How sweet!  As far as I know Modo is still there and now his son is running a modern yoga centre in Bangkok.

Biswanath Mukherjee told me that years ago when their Higher Secondary results were out, Ashok did somersaults of joy on the lawns of Hindu School.  Sure knew yoga and the tricks!  

Ashok was highly intelligent, could be compassionate to the degree of covering a beggar on the road with his own expensive shawl in a cold winter night, without a second thought. He could sing beautifully. He would often sing Rabindra sangeet in our house to please my dad (Brahmo).  Yes we loved those moments. His favourite song I remember was - “Prithibi amare chay, rekhona bendhe amay. chhere dao priya, khule dao bahu dor.”  He sang this quite often in a loud, abundantly musical voice.

Ashok had his last and final convulsive attack on 29th September, 1998.  It was Durga Puja Ashtami day.  When finally my kids and I could get his body released from the morgue and perform his last rites it was Lakshmi Pujo day, 5th October, 1998.   The above photo was taken in 1997, just a year before he passed away.

"Deb here" - My father

Gyanendra Chandra Deb
(2nd May 1903 - 22nd July 1993)

My father was formally known as Gyanendra Chandra Deb. However, he had a few nicknames, like his younger cousins called him "Pushun-da" and the older ones "Pushun", to his nieces and nephews he was "Sundar-Kaku" or "Sundar-Jethu" as applicable.  My grandmother (Thakurma) would shriek out "Pushoon"as soon as he came back from office - to complain about her imaginary ailments and ill-treatment!  Thakurma was pretty old and had a right to be delusional and secretly I feel she had dementia too. She would complain how she was not given any lunch or the cook had not bathed before cooking her food etc. etc. I do not remember Baba making any issue about such complaints from his beautiful mother, even though I have seen many times how he would lovingly assure his mother that he would set everybody straight right then. Baba doted on his mother and she lived with him always, not with her other four sons.

I believe it was the main reason he did not get married till he was knocking at 50. He would have probably stayed a bachelor if it was not for his third brother and my chhoto mama secretly arranging for him to meet my mother - Nanibala Hore. She was another doting daughter who was well past her marriageable age and happily being a principal of ladys college in Punjab and contributing towards her family. Her father, my dadu had retired as an Inspector of schools of north Bengal and my mother did not harbour any secret fantasies about marriage; even though two of her sisters had been married off.   Well, providence played its part and two confirmed bachelors got married on 7th August, 1950.

It was quite normal for my dada and I to understand that our Thakurma was the queen-bee of the establishment, although she hardly ever moved from her bed. Everything and everyone was at her beck and call. Ma, of course had resigned from her job (before her marriage she had relocated to Calcutta and was Senior Customs Officer at DumDum airport) and had become a full-time house-wife or home-maker. I mention this scenario because I found later on that it was not a normal situation in many homes - the old parent/s were quite often relegated to a corner of the house and given less heed, even in those days.  Thakurma passed away in the early 60s after suffering from serious bedsores.

Baba was very serious about certain things - study time, play time, music time, dinner time, his & Ma's one-hour evening walk and the most important - 9 o'clock news time.  He also made sure we kneeled down and prayed before bed time, often he would pray along with us.  And, yes the first thing in the morning say another prayer.  Wonder of wonders we did not have any altar in the house - no pictures of God or Goddess.  There was a nice painting of Buddha, another one of Simon kneeling down and praying to a glow of light above.  There was another of Mother Mary & infant Jesus, which I took for my school function and never brought it back. Of course, a standing picture of Rabindra Nath Tagore. If there was any touch of religion or spirituality, it was a photo of Bejoy Krishna Goswami, who was my Thakurma's Guru. But all these paintings and photograph hung around the house on different walls - more like decor.

Baba would always polish his shoes every morning before his bath, no servant was allowed to do that. Dada and I were also introduced to this ritual, that is we polished our school shoes while our ayahs watched.  The affair used to be more sombre.  Just outside the British High Commission's Zephyr car would be standing with the chauffered driver, Gaffoor standing at atention, to take Baba to work.  Hilarious? Comical? Maybe or maybe not. These were principles driven into us children - to do as much of our own work as possible.  To be completely independent.  Like Baba we too had to wash our own underwears and socks, not to be given to the washerwoman with the rest of the clothes. Soon our younger sister who came nearly seven years after me had to follow the same strict discipline. However, there was some laxity when my parents dealt with her - after all she was the baby of the family!

Baba loved good food, so do I.  He enjoyed cooking biryani on sundays. As soon as the Ic-mic cooker came into the market, he bought one and we all looked forward to sunday special lunch.  Baba would do all the cutting, washing etc himself and then spread the biryani for all to relish. He cooked this well!

Did I mention that Baba never used a toothbrush to brush his teeth? He used neem sticks or neem-datun. Baba even took a great number of neem-datun with him when he had to go and live in Europe on official work for sometime.  We were made to brush with neem toothpaste. As we grew and became aware of goods. we influenced Ma to buy Binaca toothpaste. Those days these pastes used to come with different plastic/rubber animal figures.  Quite a collection we had.

Every year in the month of Magh (January-February) we religiously went to the Brahmo samaj at Cornwallis Street and Bhawanipore. The egaroi magh was always a special day, you just had to be there, meet friends, relatives and enjoy the simple khichri, chachari, chutney, cabbage curry etc.  At the samaj we had to sit quietly while the priest read out from the Upanishad followed by Brahmo sangeet.  The priest would read a stanza and then a song, and then another stanza and then another song. It would continue for some hours till about lunch time. In retrospect, I do not remember any child or infant making any noise inside the hall while the prayers were on.  And there were no cell pnones those days, but even if there were I am sure no one would dream of shattering the pin-drop silence inside the prayer hall.  Awesome discipline!  I remember the samaj as a very sacred place but no idols were worshipped. The dias where the priest and singers sat would be decorated with lots of flowers, especially rajanigandha, Baba's favourite.

I read my paternal grandfather, Ishan Chandra Dev had the title of Rai Saheb bestowed on him by the British for his exemplary contribution towards the geograpgical society work.  Baba never mentioned about it; I read the citing behind my Thakur-da's photo in the special suit.  Baba was born and brought up in Dehradun.  He and his four brothers kept night watch beating tins to scare away bats in their 100-bigha fruit orchard.  They studied in the DAV school, where English was taught in Hindi.  For example, Baba told us how they were taught to spell 'scale' - hyess, cc, yay, yel, eee. Pronounced as - 'sacale'.  And yet Baba spoke English - queen's English, so much so when our friends used to call us they would get scared if Baba picked up the phone. My brother's friends from St.Xavier's would ask him who is the Englishman who answers the phone with - "Deb here" ?  Baba had also learned German, Spanish and French by playing the linguaphone records during his bachelor days.

Baba or Ma never revealed to us that he came from a Brahmin lineage, that my Thakurma was the first (Mukherjee) Brahmin girl to wear leather chappals to school in her young days. Both my grandparents belonged to Sylhet (in Bangladesh) and both their families were Brahmin zamindars and both their fathers had turned to Brahmo samaj when they got repulsed by the Brahmin culture of oppression practiced at home.

Discipline, honesty, respect, independence, physically active and believing in dignity of labour are my inheritance from my dad. These stood me in good stead in my tumultous life.  Thank you God for giving me such beautiful parents.