CANCER -2

22/02/2018

I came back from AIIMS. Honestly I am so mortified with the invasive checks the doctors do. It is humiliating. I know the medics mean well but I screamed today when the invasion was into my a..e!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry doctor it was just so much and no more.  Please God I just wish to live normally and laugh and drink and eat to glory come. Is it possible in this world of yours? And I am so sick of the high expenses that goes with this ailment. Why? Why go beyond your means just to treat a cancer patient, who is sure to pop off in a few days time? Why stretch and do the impossible and deny the patient some good times with the family and friends? Am i wrong in my thinking? I am so tired of the children reminding me I have cancer and I should not eat or enjoy anything because it might aggravate the condition. Hell with it! I have known through my experience that it is best to be in a joyous mood. There is no better medicine than joy. Look at all the 'laughing clubs' spread throughout the country. we all seek joy and that keeps us healthy, wealthy and wise. So long this joy does not in any way harm or bring injury to another human being.

20/7/2018
Today I want to tell all of you who are reading my blogs - please pay attention. If you are suffering from any sort of cancer or know anyone who has cancer, the following routine must be adhered to - 
1. Drink a glass/tumbler of hot water with a full lemon squeezed in with the lemon rinds in it, first thing in the morning. 
2. Do not touch sugar or sweets of any kind. Do not eat mangoes and bananas, but have other fruits, especially citric.
3. Have apricots and more importantly the nut inside its kernel. Yes you need to crack open the kernel. That nut is your medicine. 
4. Cow urine (Go-mutra)is another must. Either get the liquid form or the tablet form. The liquid form must be had like this - two caps full of Go-mutra and equal amount of hot water. And tablets like two each time. Twice in a day before lunch and dinner. Continue for a couple of months and then give it a gap for a fortnight. 
5. Drink only green tea. Twice day or more.
6. Milk and other dairy products do more harm than good. 
7. Deep breathing, inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide with gusto is another must.
8. Be out in the sun and rain, look up to the sky, watch the birds, listen to the breeze, love the swaying trees. Be happy. Be joyous. 

If anyone has anything to add this please do so, I shall be grateful.
And yes, try and keep a regular profile of yourself. I am doing so. I am having my photo snapped (I do not have selfie) at certain intervals to see the change in me, if any. A photographic comparison gives you a solid boost. Rest is up to our Maker. My wish is to go laughing. 
Thank you.

4/1/2019
Happy New Year!
Today I will share a Sanskrit mantra that cures cancer. Open the site and let the mantra be chanted. Listen with total attention. Pronounce along with the chanting if you can or else just pay attention. Soon you should be able to pronounce the mantra. Here is the website - Narayaneem Dasakam 8, Sloka 13, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_fPEQ4Wu3U

Another mantra is - OM SWAMI VIRAM BABABHASSA HUM PHAT

Good luck.

Mamoni, Ghosh and Bose households - memories. 2

Today it will be a short one.
Mamoni used to sing this song quite often - Chorono dhorite diyogo amaare, Niyona niyona shoraye.
I do not know what impression she left in me but I still feel her presence even today.
She was a loving person.
Mamoni used to sing along with her wrestling(yes wrestling). Talk about that later.
Today is her birth centenary, and her father's death anniversary.
Mamoni stopped singing when Ashok, my ex and late husband was due to be presented to the world. The singing puts a stress on the abdomen and the child may be delivered before her/his due date. 
I do not think Mamoni touched her harmonium after that. Dwarkin harmonium.
But she sang. Sang to put the grandchildren to sleep. Or at other times to keep her equilibrium.
That lady went through a lot. Can't ever spill out to anyone. Ava Rani Bose, eldest daughter of Byamacharya Bishnu Charan Ghosh, was unique.
I come from a family where everyone reach the height of education. But Mamoni had just done her eight standard education but her knowledge and wisdom could surpass anyone, even today.
Hats off to Ava Rani Bose, my ex and late mother-in-law. God bless your soul. Love you.

Mamoni, Ghosh and Bose households - memories.

22 June 2018

Mamoni is in extreme left, next to Buddha Bose aka Baba aka Guruji. Nanima is next to Buddha Bose. Then comes Byamacharya Bishnu Charan Ghosh aka Dadai, next to him is Arun Bose, Ashok Bose and Biswanath Ghosh. Sitting below is Karuna Ghosh and Rooma Bose.

Before I proceed I must apologise to Mamoni for losing the one photograph of hers I possessed. It was a big framed one. She was in a sari sitting and smiling her beautiful smile. I searched here in the house but could not find it. My life has not been exactly a stationary life and roaming from place to place I lost quite a few priceless stuff of my parents' too. 

Getting married to Ashok Bose was getting married to the whole family living in 4/2 Rammohan Roy Road, Calcutta -9. And I loved it. Honestly, I loved Nanima's (Ashalata Ghosh) praise and tender love. She shared many moments of her married life to make me understand how a woman adjusts in her married life. Ashok was not exactly the usual husband - 'husband'? No way! But this is about the whole family so I shall desist talking specifically about Ashok Bose. 
Mamoni - Ava Rani Bose nee Ghosh, eldest daughter of Byamacharya Bishnu Charan Ghosh. She was my mother-in-law. Sounds serious? Hahaha! She was a fun loving lady with grits. When I met her she was into wearing ochre coloured top and a skirt - she had become a self induced sanyasini and lived with us on the 2nd floor of the address, while Baba aka Buddha Bose stayed on the first floor inside the office room. That office room has been decked and coloured now and is used by Prem Sundar Das.

Betel nuts or supari and betel nut cutter or jnati (j pronounced in a nasal sound). 

Mamoni loved paan. She would have it definitely after meals and sometimes at other times, too. She had a big metallic box which had small quarters to keep the betel nuts, 'choon', 'khoir', 'dokta', big elaichi seeds. she also had a big silver jati to cut the betel nuts into small bite-able pieces. I learned how to do it. She would first take a half betel leaf, apply choon and then khoir and then sprinkle with tiny pieces of betel nuts and elaichi seeds. Oh did I forget mauri or saunf - fennel seeds in English! Mamoni would be in a very cheerful mood whenever she had this magic box near her or when she was about to savour the first bite of her handmade paan. Yes I too got to have it sometimes. And Mamoni would invariably give a small bite to Surya Shekhar Bose/Bablan or Chandra shekhar Bose/Bhumba before she put the green savoury into her mouth. That way she had the kids in her grasp and could cuddle and smother them with kisses. You see Mamoni sat in one place. Movement for her was confined to shifting her posture, sitting up or lying down on the floor on her huge bolster pillow. Yes she could get up painfully, go to the attached bathroom or sit at the dining table, especially, at meal times. But she could not run after the toddlers and catch them to hug them. Paan was an allurement to bring the little ones close to her and the other way to bring them close was when the television would be on. 

Mamoni used to drive a car like this in Calcutta - one of the few women drivers in the city in those days. She used to drop her sons and brother to their school and fetch them back. Ashok's friend, Arup Mukherjee, told me - ' I found her to be a very loving mother. She drove them (the boys) to school everyday and picked them after school.'
Once Mamoni related an incident involving this car. She said she was sitting in the back seat while Baba was driving and her father, Dadai was sitting next to him in front. Suddenly as the car kept moving she saw Baba's head turned to the right at a 90 degree angle and it was the same case with her father! She was about to yell for them to look straight when she too turned her head right to see what had captured her husband's and father's attention. It was a good looking woman walking down the road. Oh how Mamoni laughed when telling this story and said - "Tutu always remember men will be men. Let a good looking woman go past and their heads are bound to be turned."

A television set similar to this was brought in one morning in August 1975. It was a Weston tv set, I remember. Baba came in with some electricians and got it fixed next to the telephone in the second floor room. It was just right so that Mamoni could watch comfortably from the floor. It was the first day of television broadcast in Calcutta. The broadcast used to be in the mornings and evenings; and that day we watched the opening of television broadcast in Calcutta. And you know what Mamoni commented? She told Baba - "Ah ha! So now you got me a toy to play with while you are busy with your disciples, the whole day!"   Yes humorous and at the same time it revealed how much she missed being with her husband, working alongside him and practically being the busy-bee she used to be. Coming back to prime time, Mamoni loved watching Shib Shekhar/Icecream sit and dance to the intial music of the news broadcast. Icecream was about 7-8 months at the time.

Now why was my first born named Icecream? As you can see he was fair with blue eyes and pink cheeks. He was often mistaken to be a girl because of his deliciously good looks. Mamoni said he reminds her of vanilla icecream and so presto! he was nicknamed Icecream! Till date he is still addressed by this name by most of us, even though he is a grown man now.  Mamoni loved ice cream and sweets of every kind.  Even though she had blood sugar she would quietly get the kitchen boy to buy her sweets in the afternoons. And she shared them with me. I, too loved sweets. In her sweet, loving moments Mamoni would call me Tutti-frutti, instead of Tutu. 

I did not know how to cook. I learned from scratch from Mamoni. She would sit in the room or at the dining table and instruct me every step. I would keep running back and forth from the kitchen to get the next instruction. There was a cook, Gobindo from Orissa - a very temperamental human being. He cooked superbly, I learned cabbage curry from him. Mamoni taught me to cook dishes like keema curry, fried chicken (her speciality), razella, simple aloo curries etc. I became an expert in aloo dish and rotis/chapattis, so much so, Baba would have this everyday for his breakfast and I would naturally be cooking it with pride. while Mamoni would sit and watch over the serving and gaze lovingly at her handsome husband. wow! was there love in the air! She just worshipped the ground Baba walked on. 

I learned bhetki fry- how the fish needed to be immersed in lemon juice etc and then dipped in egg batter, then covered with crumbs before frying. delicious! Rooma taught me dhania chicken. Mami aka Krishna Ghosh taught me a special karela dish, which I make even now. Mami even taught me how to eat a big fish head. Honestly I literally learned to be a Bengali after my marriage. And how can I forget those days of my first pregnancy and how the sight of food made me rush to the bathroom.  Mamoni and Nanima would sit there watching me like a hawk while I sat down for lunch. Lunch meaning rice, dal, vegetables, fish curry etc. I would have gone through just about half of my plate before I would run to throw it all out. When I came out of the bathroom I would find another plate of lunch set for me and both mother and daughter sitting there till I finished my food. It went on for many days till my morning sickness (?) subsided. And so did this stern attitude of Nanima and Mamoni. As Nanima said - "You eat, You throw up. And then you eat the same amount of food again till you can keep it inside you." She always said that a pregnant woman must eat as much as possible and not let the baby grow too much inside her but to nourish and nurture the baby once it is born with love, massage,care and proper feeding. She was so right. 

I shall add to this later. There is too much to write. Too many memories. Too many incidents - happy and sad.  

WOMEN AND THEIR EVERYDAY CHALLENGES

CHALLENGES FACED BY YOUNG WOMEN

Women are home-makers. Women are the weaker sex. Women must adhere to certain rules and regulations, even if they are earning. Rules often set by men. The Shriver report of 2014 states 18 issues challenging women in the US. Wonder whether that number has gone up or down. Yes there are plenty of challenges faced by young women in today's world. Though a majority of them are external, some are often internal. The basic mentality of men and women needs a change. The stereotype characterization of the sexes need to be reshuffled.

Discrimination is an awful word and it rules the roost on challenges faced by young women. At home the son is given preference over the daughter. At the workplace, it is verbal and physical sexual abuse; and the gender wage gap is still prevalent in the most powerful country in the world, leave alone the rest of the other countries. Young women go through horrific domestic violence that shatters all their romantic dreams. Break the marriage and it is often the woman who is blamed and targeted, irrespective of the actual cause. Social gatherings can be a nightmare for women if they are not escorted with the right type of guy. Bar hopping is okay for men but can be read as an invitation for rape if women do the same. Many countries have religious gatherings with distinctly marked seating arrangements for men and women.

And yet there are millions of families – across all sectors of the society where a woman is the main breadwinner. Most of the time she is willing to take a back seat and let her husband be in the limelight! In the name of social security a young woman forsakes her ambitions and toes the line so that her dignity is not outraged. Who are the perpetrators? The men! The question is who made the men like that? The society, people who live in the society – that includes men and women.

The importance of a woman's independent opinion is so blatantly obvious during political elections – all over the world. A woman is her own boss inside that small voting cubicle. She presses the button she wants to and not what a male friend or relative asked her to! This is freedom and this is what a woman needs to inculcate inside her every moment of her life at every stage and every situation.

I just read somewhere that “women earn less than men but have more expenses.” Honestly it is hilarious but true only in certain social strata of each country. Th so-called empowerment of women has increased the number of women going out to work and the young delve into consumerism wholeheartedly, as if there is no tomorrow. Blame the ads and media, who know how to lure the young earning females.

Men and women were never meant to be enemies- they are two sides of the same coin made by the great source known as God.

Today I am sharing a letter written by my cousin, Dipankar Deb, to his elder brother. He has been a seaman all his life and the letter tells about some of his scary and hilarious experiences. I shared his recent article in my G+ page. 

At Manila, 26^th July 2011

Hi Ramu/Dada,

Truth be told, I rather enjoyed my sojourn at sea.

As you will recall, I was the first person in my batch to clear the 2^nd Engineer Exam, and amongst the few early birds with my Chief Engineer License Exam in Yr ’73.

I then joined Wallem Hong Kong and was promoted to C/Eng after a year, and sent on a crude oil tanker.

As I had never worked on a tanker before (these were the days before IG Systems, and all the other safe-guards that were ushered in after a couple of horrendous accidents), the Indian Chief Officer took me around (at that time the norm was for Officers to be mostly from India, with crew from the Philippines).

On entering the Cargo Pumproom, I looked down and found a vast pool of oil with nothing else visible. On pointing this out to the C/O he was totally shocked to view a sea of oil where there should have been a pump room with steam pumps.

We spent the next few days groping around in the oil to find and activate the remote control rods for the submerged steam pumps, and then pumping out (back to the oil tank) without further unpleasant surprises.

There were many such close shaves and even life-threatening incidents along the way, such as a head-on collision at full speed with another vessel, an immediate burst into flame of both vessels (being tankers), my going down to stop the engines prior abandoning the vessel, my returning on deck to find both lifeboats already lowered and well away (even though I had told the Bengali 2^nd Engineer and Kannadiga Master to hold one boat for me), all crew members off except the Indian C/O and one Indonesian Oiler (who had helped me to stop the engines).

We could not escape in the inflatable life rafts as we were now surrounded by burning oil escaping from the vessel. So the three of us had no option but to fight the fire with whatever make-shift methods we could devise. We managed to keep the flames from engulfing the aft of the vessel and were literally saved by a passing tug boat.

The tug boat had no fire fighting foam, and mentioned that they would get some from the nearby Indonesian town of Plaju. Being aware of the possibility of them going to sleep prior returning (all of this taking place in the middle of the night), we broke open the Bonded Locker and placed all the bonded alcohol and cigarettes on the Bridge wing as their prize if they could hurry up.

They sure did hurry up and sprayed the vessel with foam till at around 7.30am (about 10 hours since the collision) the fire was put out, and our champion crew sheepishly returned to the vessel, which was still afloat, but with the forecastle missing, the front cargo tank badly damaged, and the crude oil in that tank totally burnt off or leaked into the sea.

Anecdote – It appears that the Owner (Bruce Rappaport) angrily exclaimed to the attending senior management in Singapore “what kind of ship staff do you employ? Don’t they know that I could have made more money from Insurance if the vessel was a total loss?”

So much for the value of heroics, though we were given bonuses, and I was made a Supt based in Singapore. That episode was short-lived as in the Year 1978, Singapore was one of the most boring (and slightly troublesome) places to live, hence I opted to return to sailing after a few months. More on Singapore later.

I must also not forget to tell you about my good friend Saddam of Iraq (may he rest in peace), and how he literally saved my job.

We were on a big White Oil Tanker in Kuwait loading Kerosene, Aviation Fuel, High Speed Diesel etc segregated in separate tanks. We had just finished dinner and I was on the Bridge along with my good friend Capt Lund (a Norwegian), when the Indian C/O came running up in consternation, and told us that the Aviation Fuel tank had got contaminated with HSD. We ran down and found that the Aviation Fuel Cargo tank had acquired a sickening dark color, thus rendering the Aviation fuel useless. This would entail a loss of millions of dollars to the charterer, and he would take it out on the Owner, who (aside from having the Insurance Companies breathing down his neck) would demand the immediate banishment of the concerned incompetents (meaning Master, C/O and me), and possible sanctions such as review of our licenses etc – in other words, we were staring at a dramatic change of circumstances for yours truly.

In despair we returned to the Bridge to contemplate our resignation letters (to avoid the ignominy of being summarily sacked). Only God or Saddam could have helped us to get out of this horrible mess, and Saddam answered our prayers.

At around 9.30pm, we heard a loud explosion from the shore tank farm, followed by further explosions and fire streaking to the sky from the damaged tanks that had caught fire.

Saddam’s invasion of Kuwait had begun.

All other vessels were ordered to immediately cast off and sail, while we were kept alongside by the shore authorities in a desperate attempt to empty out the oil tanks adjacent to the burning tanks, to save as much as they could.

They then pumped all types of mixtures into our tanks and thus polluted the segregated fuels even more – and let us off the hook.

Since then, I have always harbored a soft corner for our dear benefactor Saddam, and was indeed distressed to see him being dispatched so ingloriously, just because cowboy George hated his guts, and cooked up all types of yellow powder and WMD tall tales to go to war with six-guns blazing, leading to the crowning moment of George framed against a backdrop of fighter jets on an aircraft carrier declaring ‘VICTORY’. Tom Cruz couldn’t have done it better, though they will pay for their mistakes for many years to come – but that is another story.

I must off course admit that the photo-op on the aircraft carrier sure looked good on TV, and, if you follow the comic books – well worth going to war for, give or take a few hundred thousand (mostly Iraqi) dead bodies (which could be passed off with a shrug and the timeless gringo comment “shit happens”).

The above is just an illustration of the rather exciting lifestyle that was still available to seamen a few decades ago. The present-day situation is changed beyond recognition, with strict rules and regulations, and the senior officers under personal threat of jail, and huge personal fines, by any country that deems that you have violated their arcane laws.

I managed to leave active sailing at a most opportune time (1994), when at the urging of Rajiv Dhanda (our 1 year junior from Bombay, and my boss in Singa Shipmanagement) I took up a Super’s job under him in Manila.

I was put in charge of a BOT (build, operate, transfer) scheme for a pair of Kvearner Fjellstrand all-aluminum 370-seater super-fast (34 knots or around 60 kph) luxury ferries (fitted with night vision) for the Philippine local trade. We built them at a shipyard in Singapore, brought them over to Cebu, operated them for a year, and then handed over the vessels to a local company that, within a year, ran it into the ground and sold off the vessels at a major loss.

Reason – vessel traveling with 200 passengers, but only 50 tickets issued (the rest giving underhand token payments directly to the staff). We had kept strict control of such activities with random firings at the slightest suspicion, but, under the locals, everybody was in on the game, from the Company President downwards (the President even appropriated some of the office computers and opened up a computer training institute). It was a hilarious fiasco to watch, and it was an object lesson of how ‘not’ to do business in the local environment.

I was then pirated (in Yr 1999) by a good Norwegian friend Alf Andersen to open up a ship management company.

I set it up from my house (including all Govt licenses/permits/clearances), and took over our first vessel in October ’99 while still operating with 3 staff (Secretary, Accountant and Supt) who would report to my house daily. We had a phone line that could also be used for faxes, and we had my personal computer – and that was it.

This feat can no longer be duplicated, as, due to the advent of ISM and other strict IMO policies, it is no longer possible (as of Yr 2001) to set up fly-by-night ship management companies from residences, post boxes etc.

We finally managed to get a proper office (near my house) by the end of the year, and due to the success of the first vessel, started getting more vessels (from the same Owner) for management.

Things went from bad to worse (for my life-style that is) as we ended up with 13 very specialized, fully computerized cement-handling vessels with environment-friendly self-discharging capability trading Worldwide (with an office staff of 24 and a sea-going staff of over 300).

In Yr 2007, we sold the company lock-stock-and-barrel to one of the biggest privately owned shipping companies in the World (KGJS of Bergen, Norway), for a huge sum, with the selling Owners making out handsomely (from an initial investment of less than 20% the sale price), and we were all retained full time by the new Owners as per the sale agreement, which stipulated that I and my staff would have to stay on for a minimum of one year.

This chapter finally closed end November last year, when the office was disbanded, and management transferred to Singapore and Bergen.

I was then tasked to close the office, including negotiating severance with the staff, and all Govt formalities. So I can quite proudly say that I attended the birth of the company, and its demise too. And now I lead the life of a country gentleman with golf, and girls, as the main attractions (though not necessarily in that order).

Is there anything I would have done differently given a second chance? I must emphatically say no.

It all worked out in the end, and, as we have come to realize, it is the end game that finally matters, it is the inner peace we attain that puts us at ease, it is the thought of a stress-free tomorrow that fills our lives with the scent of roses, and, finally, when we are ready to cross over, we can do so in the full knowledge that we truly lived well, as decent citizens, honorably, and without regret.

Jai Maharaj.

CANCER - CONTINUED

Ever since that d-day I have been searching for alternative treatments for this disease. Yes I am very much against radiation and chemotherapy for good reasons. When you search the net you find many cancer patients write about their chemo or radiation therapy and how it has adversely affected their lives. Last night when I spoke to Mataji she too told me that someone related to her ashram swamiji's had cancer and was going through chemo; and this lady had said that no one should undergo chemo. 
Now this city has no unit for radiation therapy or chemotherapy; one of the doctors from here said -'the license for radiation therapy is not easily given to any hospital, for the simple reason - radiation of the rays.' The safety of the surrounding areas is taken into consideration before the license is given. If that is the case, how is it considered safe for the cancer patient? Now they have a new term - targeted radiation and chemo. Obviously the cost is higher and it is believed to be targeted only on the affected area, so the rays do not (optimistically) touch the surrounding areas inside the patient's body. Why was this not the main thought initially?  
My search for alternative treatment gave me a lot of information and knowledge about this disease. 
http://candida-international.blogspot.in/2007/03/is-cancer-caused-by-candida-fungus.html - I found this site very informative and had sound arguments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQwwGPiyW9M - this is on youtube, by Rick Simpson.

18/2/2018
I have been curious to know how did I get cervical cancer? Was there something I may have done to contribute towards its manifestation? My search on the net provided me with some answers. HPV (Human Papillomaviruses) comes out as the main cause for cervical cancer in women. 
https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cervical-cancer/causes-risks-prevention/what-causes.html
The above site says - Some genes control when cells grow, divide, and die:· 

• Genes that help cells grow, divide, and stay alive are called oncogenes.
• Genes that help keep cell growth under control or make cells die at the right time are called tumor suppressor genes.

Cancers can be caused by DNA mutations (gene defects) that turn on oncogenes or turn off tumor suppressor genes.

But HPV is not the only cause of cervical cancer.

another site says -

• Causes and risk factors for cervical cancer include human papillomavirus (HPV) infection, having many sexual partners, smoking, taking birth control pills, and engaging in early sexual contact.
• All women are at risk for cervical cancer. ... The human papillomavirus (HPV) is the main cause of cervical cancer. HPV is a common virus that is passed from one person to another during sex. Most sexually active people will have HPV at some point in their lives, but few women will get cervical cancer

Then I read that women with moles or warts, passed down in the genes are also at risk. I have a couple of red moles, my mum had, so did my maternal grandmother, a couple of aunts; but none of them developed cancer. I did. Why? Change of food habits? Lifestyle change? Or is it in the air? Still to unravel.  Yoga I am doing to fight this disease are - pavanamuktasana, bhujangasana, butterfly (tried boddhokonasana but just did not get the pose right, not anymore, not like before), halasana, matsyasana (not perfect), and savasana with deep breathing. Today I started mahamudra with jalandhara bandh and mula bandh. My blood pressure is normal, no sugar or diabetes, my heart is okay, my pulse rate is normal,so is my palpitation -something new I found they check. mahamudra with all these bandhs is not advisable for anyone with blood pressure problems or heart problems. period. I shall eventually know the result of these experiments very soon. I also have - two teaspoons of roasted flax seeds (found that at Patanjali store) in a day, hot water with one lemon juice before breakfast, stopped sugar completely, two caps of cow urine with equal amount of hot water twice a day, baking soda (soda bicarbonate) with honey (not regularly), apricot and its seed, grapes, nuts, oranges. And I have two raw garlic pods at lunch time with my first two morsels of food.     
I am keeping a diary. Don't know if it will benefit anyone with same problem.  My osteoarthritis and osteoporosis are intact. So is my thyroid and my spondylitis. I take on daily basis - thyronorm (75mcg), bio-d3 plus and sometimes hyfenac (plain) on days when I know I may have to be on my feet for a long duration.     
I hope to add more cheerful notes to this blog in the coming days. 

MY JOURNEY WITH CERVICAL CANCER AND ITS RAMIFICATIONS

Cancer! It is a terrifying word. It literally puts everyone in a frenzy. Death is knocking at the door. It is so insane! As if, if you did not get cancer you would live forever. Can you believe it!!!? Hehehe! Death is inevitable. This is something we learned in our Moral Science class and different scriptures confirmed it as we grew older. So why does the word 'cancer' create a havoc among people? May be, because it practically ushers us to the exit door? One way or the other, we all must get out of this beautiful and enchanting world. Period. 
29th of january the report came in. Before that the lab people called up my son-in-law and gave him the results of the biopsy test. he called my daughter and told her and she in turn told me. Her face became crestfalllen in a second! My son-in-law stopped playing music in the car from that day on, so every time I went to the different doctors and hospitals it became a silent ride. Long ones. Honestly. Because we travelled for hours to Gurgaon or Delhi - mind the traffic. What goes wrong with us? Do we stop living? Hello! I am still here - I shout inside me. I am not dead and neither have I lost the urge and zing to live. I am kicking. I shall beat this silent disease. I am prepared. But yes when I see the children upset and worried it does pull a few heart-strings. It becomes a flurry of activities - visiting different doctors, going for numerous tests, waiting for the test reports, going to the same doctor, and then visiting oncologists and radiologists. Whew! It is quite an ordeal. Specially, if all the facilities are not available in the same city or region. Every time I came out of a test or a visit only one thing stood out in my mind - f--- all this. Live and die normally. Either way I shall have to depart, so why do it in a painful way? Radio therapy or chemotherapy are killers. Believe me you. Oncologists are like hawks, waiting for any susceptible patient. They simply clutch you in their claws and brainwash you into believing that there is no way out except what they advise. It becomes worse when your family members are much junior to you (read 'children') who have no clue about such things. their only belief is the doctor - someone with an impressive string of degrees behind their names backed up with impressive hospitals, cannot be wrong. Finally I got tired of arguing and just gave in. Told them - fine I shall do as you say. Only write down that when the time comes to literally care for me who is ready? Besides, the money involved for such hideous therapies is astronomical. my and my daughter's corporate insurance may not be able to cover the whole cost. My younger son-in-law has his answer ready - 'you just go for your treatment, I shall do the needful.' Beautiful! I am really thankful that I have such loving and caring children (including sons-in-law). Should I now let them blindly follow the negative path or should I stand firm? I decided to follow my gurji's teachings - 'do not object to controversial situations because it can only aggravate further. keep silent and give yourself up to God. Let God guide them and show them the right path.'  It works miracles. Situations and conditions arise where the opposite party sees reason. Cheers! 
MRI and Ct scan of the various needed parts of the body. I literally got scared when I was being pushed or rolled into the MRI machine. I yelled out. The operator had to stop and come running to me. There I was lying like a helpless creature all tucked in and belted in and screaming - I am scared. Can you believe it? Like a child! That fellow had to assure me before he could go back to his room and start the process. He must have been laughing at this 65 year-old scared woman. I gathered courage, felt silly and told myself I will not be scared of that capsule where I can see the top about to engulf me and smother me to death. It is about six inches above the head I guess and I detest enclosed spaces. I thought - what happened to my pranayams and meditations? And then I thought of Krishna and soon he was there playing the flute and dancing around, laughing away in joy. Time passed and before I knew it the scan was over. I came out and asked my son-in-law, who was sitting outside, tensed, how long? He said just about an hour. In that period, I was even asked to hold my breath for a certain period of time - I did and yet I was not scared any more.      Next the CT scan. Then my quiet and desperate search for alternative methods, my belief in yoga and self healing. And light channeling. I am still not out of the woods. The radiotherapy and chemo are still hanging above my head, like the damocles' sword. And much more. My surrender to God. Tomorrow.