Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Remembering Manna Dey – my way



It was the early 1970s – 1971 or72 to be precise.  I was still in the regional flights going out from Calcutta (my base), and waiting to graduate into the trunk routes like Cal-Del or Cal-Bom or Cal-Madras flights as an airhostess with Indian Airlines.  As a junior my flight rosters were usually to Rangoon-Port Blair, Kathmandu, Bhubaneswar-Vizag, Guahati-Silchar and Guahati-Jorhat-Tezpur-Mohanbari sectors. 

My initial sectors were serviced by Dakotas, Fokker-friendships or occasionally Avro aircrafts.  Caravels and Boeings were reserved for the trunk routes in those days.  The Dakota and the Fokker-friendship aircrafts were pretty safe, flew at reasonable heights and trustworthy; however, there were times when the uncalled-for happened. 

The uncalled-for happened in one of the Guahati-Jorhat-Tezpur-Mohanbari sector flights.  The Fokker developed a snag at Mohanbari and the crew had to stay the night in one of the colonial tea estates.  These bungalows used to be really huge and haunting with that special warmth of the bygone eras.  There was a certain charm and romance in the whole environment.  The sense of being in a dreamland, away from the real world was heightened with the knowledge that Manna Dey was in town and singing the whole night away at a local function. 

It was but natural that all of us – the pilots and we two airhostesses did not think twice about heading forth for the destination without fail.  I do not remember the exact songs Manna Dey sang that night but I do remember the mood and that mesmerising haunting sense that crept into me.  No wonder it has been there in my subconscious mind all these years and came to the forefront as soon as I heard about his death in this mornings news. 

To me Manna Dey’s voice had a peculiar haunting quality, much like Hemanta Kumar’s voice – a voice that kept calling you back.  I do not know why or how I developed this notion but have a fair idea it might have to do with a couple of things.  Cinemas released in Calcutta in those days usually had songs sung by these singers; the films had haunting romance that simply reached its optimum crescendo with a Manna Dey voice.


Even now when I listen to songs from “Waqt”, or “Awara” or “Anand”  Manna Dey can still carry me away to a different level of existence with his lilting, haunting, melodious voice.  I am sure many of you go through the same feeling when you hear his recorded songs.  As they say – one never dies because one lives on among people who remember and cherish their memories.  Hope Manna Dey is singing more songs up there where we shall all meet one day.   

Sunday, 20 October 2013

South Calcutta insights

Road defines the locality or vice versa?

I am now in Kankulia Road, south Calcutta.  This is a rented house, quite dingy but priced high for the location.  I have still not been able to vacate my own property in Sarat Banerjee Road and am forced to live in these quarters.   

Coming back to this area – it is something I have never experienced before.  Early in the morning, even before the sky is lit up there are Tapas and his father (phool-wallah) selling flowers right at my doorstep. They live in Bongaon and bring flowers from there by the local train to sell here to the residents living around here.  The business is brisk since most of these Bengalis and some non-Bengalis believe and worship different deities with flowers, fruits etc everyday.  I too have started buying different flowers on different days to decorate my small altar – jaba phool or hibiscus on Tuesdays and Saturdays for Ma Kali, akonda flowers on Mondays for Lord Shiva, and white flowers on Wednesdays (occasionally) for Lord Ganesh, yellow marigold on Thursdays for Goddess Lakshmi and so on.  Have I gone religious?  I don’t know.  I just felt I am being given the opportunity to offer flowers to God without stepping out of the house, so why not? 

Soon after there is the fish man (machh-wallah) across the road, who sits till about 9 a.m. until his mother (who is an ayah in some hospital) takes his place till noon.  Thereafter, comes the Kwality ice-cream man (ice-cream wallah) with his cart and stands right outside the window (I am in the ground floor) and challenges my greed everyday!  Did I tell you about the ‘dab-wallah’ or coconut man?  He props up his cycle around 8.30 a.m. adjacent to my door and does good business for a couple of hours.  As soon as the ice-cream man departs around 3 p.m. arrives the ‘fry man’ (bhaji-wallah).  He deep fries vegetable, fish and chicken patties till around 7.30 p.m. till the ‘puchhka-wallah’ takes over from across the street!  All this within hand-held distance of my door – it is excruciatingly painful for someone who loves food (but good food). 


And finally, it is the older generation of males in the locality (actually my age – more or less) who sit on a stone platform opposite my door till about 10.30 p.m.-11p.m.  Voila!  I feel this road should be baptised as “Wallah Road” instead of Kankulia Road.  What say you!?  

Brahmins, Brahmo Samaj

My paternal heritage

My father, late Gyanendra Chandra Deb was the fourth son of late Rai Saheb Ishan Chandra Deb.  The eldest son died in infancy.  I saw the other elder brothers namely – my Boro Jethu Ahsok Chandra Deb, Mejo Jethu Aloke Chandra Deb and Shejo Jethu Shantu Chandra Deb. My dad was the next in line and then came my Kaku Shibendra Chandra Deb.  My dad was closest to his younger brother, as I have witnessed in my lifetime. 

My father belonged to a Brahmin zamindar family who practically owned a whole village.  Anyone familiar with the history of Brahmins and zamindars of yester yore India will know how autocratic and egotistic these people could be.  Their ruthless adherence to religious and hereditary supercilious attitude is less mentioned the better.  However, I am recounting an event that forever changed the Deb Sharma heritage and also the Mukherjee clan of east Bengal in Sylhet.  My paternal grandmother belonged to the Mukherjee family. 

As my great grandfather was a high and mighty Brahmin of opulent wealth and fame he had almost everyone at his beck and call.  The zamadaar or sweeper too belonged to him.  Now it so happened that one fine day my great grandfather was about to sit for his Brahmin lunch when the sweeper’s son (they lived inside the compound) committed the biggest sin of his life.  The innocent fellow was playing with a ball and trespassed into the forbidden area – his shadow fell on my great grandfather’s plate.  Sacrilege!!!!! 

As expected, my great grandfather abandoned his soiled food and pitilessly beat up the lower caste kid for committing such a crime and sin.  After this he just went into his room and bolted the door; he remained inside for four days.  He did not answer any calls of pity, sympathy or anguish – not even his own wife’s, my great grand mother’s.  Finally when he did open the door he just walked straight to |Raja Ram Mohan Roy and joined the Brahmo samaj.   


My paternal grandmother too came from such a converted Brahmin family.  Her father had also embraced the Brahmo Samaj – my grandmother was one of the first girls to go to school wearing leather shoes I have been told!  Therefore, the alliance between my grandfather and grandmother does not seem strange, since both families had the same religious, philosophical, ideological and spiritual beliefs.  However, I must mention my grandmother had 102 mothers.  Yes, Brahmins of those days were allowed to have multiple wives – my grandmother’s many mothers lived under the same roof!  

I shall talk about how my grandfather got the Rai Saheb title and was endowed with 100 bighas of mango & litchi orchard in Dehradaun in my next post.

Monday, 30 September 2013

Radio Jockeys – sound versus visuals

What is it about radio jockeys?  How and why do they influence your mind and sensibilities?  In today’s world it is nothing compared to the latest devices of contact like – video shows, you tube, and God knows so much more.  Visuals play a big, major role of getting in touch with you in the present scenario.  Then why is it the radio jockeys wield some sort of magic and magic it is.  It is the voice followed by the music or whatever is on the show; and yet it can glue you to your set!

I try not to miss a particular radio programme called “Country Carnival” on the FM radio provided by the Dish TV service providers. The anchor person is known as:”Vintage Andy” and he dishes out some of the best country music you can listen to for one hour.  You know what I like best – it is his voice.  It is the best after Elvis Priestley – to me!  The programme is aired every Monday evening between six and seven p.m.  This vintage Andy replies in a very homely and romantic language in the most ordinary manner to every mail or sms he receives.

I do not know about radio jockeys because I do not listen to each and every one of them; but I do know that being a radio jockey is no child’s play.  The job definitely competes with extraordinary visuals that catch your eye and attention at the drop of a hat.   He or she is appealing to the audiences only through the voice and the tone and the language with the unseen ‘oomph’ factor.  Whereas, the visual entertainment programmes have the latest technological devices that enhance every second of the show, even making the anchor or the performer more beautiful than actual.  No offence meant, but the visual performers do rely heavily on the add-ons. 


As an old timer I am used to honing my listening skills.  In childhood it was imperative that I listened to the All India Radio news, listen to rabindra sangeet being aired, take perfect dictations, and listen to my own reading so as to be able to correct my diction – whether English, Bengali or Hindi.  Light travels faster than sound – I learned that in science.  However, sound registers in the mind quicker than visuals – I am no scientist but if you watch a child you may understand. The baby catches on to sound quicker than seeing something.  And when the sound is groovy, attractive with the right noise and understandable language it can mesmerize you – like some of the radio shows all over the world.  

Friday, 20 September 2013

Welcoming the new baby!

The stork pays a visit and a new baby comes into the house – but why does Mama have to go to the hospital to bring the baby?  Honestly I could not figure out the connection when my baby sister was born – did the stork come and give the new baby only to mothers in the hospital?  Yes even at the age of seven I was a complete dud and believed in fairy tales – in fact I do so even now. 

Coming back to the year when my little sister was born on 12th July.  I remember Baba, dada and I running around buying baby stuff before going to the hospital for the evening visit.   There was lot of excitement and trepidation inside me and I know it must have been the same with my dada, who was a year older to me.  Imagine a new baby in the family!  Will she become the apple of my parents’ eyes?  Will dada and I be sidelined?  Will we be able to play with the new arrival?  Most importantly, will I still be able to sleep next to my mother?  I was a 7-year old with a lot of anxiety and a million questions impatiently bubbling for answers.  And the answers must be comforting and reassuring – at least those were my internal demands.


All questions vanished when dada and I looked down with wonder at the beautiful baby in the hospital crib next to my mother’s bed.  My sister was superbly beautiful with dark ringlets of hair, fair and big black eyes (which we could see when she blinked a couple of times as all newborns do).   What quizzed us were her skin flakes that could be seen on her hands and we (dada & I) were itching to pull them.  We accomplished this task when Baba and Ma were busy talking to each other, but unfortunately, the nurse had to pop in right then and admonished us duly.  We were just curious, but it must have hurt my newly born sister.   

Birthday memories - 5th September

I turned 61 this year – slowly creeping towards the awesome ‘70s’.  Wishing by friends and close ones are nowadays done through the mobile and of course face book!  No more eagerly waiting for birthday cards (didn’t matter what age you were!) or crowd of loved ones trooping in towards evening to usher you into the new year. 

One memory distinctly stands out from my past birthdays.  It is 5th September, 1960.  I am 8 years old today and have many things to do like wear a pretty dress to school, distribute sweets to all, go and pay my respects to my dadu and then get ready for the party in the evening.  Here I am early in the morning standing in front of the two-storied henhouse in our courtyard while I hold the birthday card I received from Baba.  He sent it on time for my big day all the way from somewhere in Europe.  Baba is on a tour of the European countries on work; he is with the British High Commission in Calcutta.  The card has a little girl amidst a joyful farm filled with hens, ducks, pink pigs, cows and the morning sun glowing down on them. 

September 5th, 1996 Aurangabad, Maharashtra was a heart-wrenching birthday that will be etched inside me forever.  They were pretty hard days - we survived on 2-3 spoonful of sugar a day for quite some time.  Somehow my daughters managed to purchase a tiny plain cake from the mobile cake man who did his rounds every evening under our apartment.  Come midnight 4th September my children gave me the best birthday of my life!  A tiny leftover candle from previous years burned triumphantly that night as evidence of pure love – our love for each other.  And I was deluged with handmade birthday cards – so lovingly crafted with crayons and sketch pens on the pages of an unused old diary. 


5th September is celebrated as Teacher’s Day in India, in respect of Dr. Sarvapalli Radhakrishnan’s birthday (our ex-President).  Dr. Radhakrishnan was primarily an educationist and so his birthday is honoured by Indians.  When I was growing and celebrated my birthday by distributing sweets to classmates and teachers on the 5th September, I childishly felt I was somehow connected to the great man.  I even found out his address in Madras and wrote him a letter mentioning how we shared our birthdays.  Many days later when I received a typed card with his signature my joy knew no bound!  Such an esteemed and honoured man took the trouble of replying to some silly child in Calcutta.  How superbly humble!   

Thursday, 12 September 2013

As you sow so shall you reap

Dilemma – age versus illness

I went to see a female cousin yesterday, who is close to 70 or thereabouts.  She has problems with her kidneys and is undergoing dialysis on a regular basis.  I have not been close to her for the past several years due to various reasons, mainly because of a continuous agenda against me, for what I still need to decipher.  But she is my didi, someone I have known since I was able to speak and interact. 

I remember her love and romance with her husband, who seemed so helpless when I met him yesterday.  I am witness to their love and secret meetings and am not ashamed to admit I loved them together – do so even now. 

My question is why do we suffer when we become old or advance in years?  My studies have taught me that we pay back for all our mistakes here on this earth before we depart.  Honestly, it is the bloody truth. 

I am confirmed about my belief after I have seen my mother go through nearly six years of total dependence even if she needed to spit!  I did my level best to find one single fault about my mom – I did not.  However, I remembered that she never asked anyone to give her even a glass of water despite the retinue of servants in the house.  Never, ever.  That was her pride and she paid for it before she passed off peacefully.  Yes peacefully because I was there with her in her last moments.  She listened to my Gita readings, sighed and opened her mouth for her ‘praan’ to be released.  I poured some water into her mouth which went down her throat and then she expired.  Beautiful!

My dad passed away in his father-in-law’s house.  My father was a proud man (can’t blame him totally because he had a Brahmin landowner’s genes) and was sometimes quite arrogant but always honest and humble to the most unlikely people!  I love you, Baba.  You taught me to ‘deserve before you desire’. 


I wonder what I shall pay for before I leave this identity.  I am going back to see all or any sins I may have committed so that I can ask for forgiveness and am spared the retributions.  God please lend your ears.  Hark your faithful is calling.  Sincerely.  

Monday, 9 September 2013

Impressions of a lifetime

                                                           My favourite man

He was my dadu, my mother’s father.  He was the only grandfather I knew as my father’s father had passed away when my dad was quite young.  Today is dadu’s birthday – 9th September and he would probably have turned 130 odd years if still around. God bless his soul.

I remember my grandfather always dressed in white khadi shorts (reaching below his knee) and white khadi bush shirt.  His only companion during walks or marketing was his strong walking stick – I guess it is still somewhere around the house.  And of course, who can forget the white ked shoes; shoes that even our generation wore to school for P.T. classes.  Dadu loved to dye his absolutely white hair and as a child I soon learned that it was time for dyeing when his hair colour changed into a combination of red-orange-beetroot.  I particularly loved those days because dadu would be in self-indulging happy phase, singing or humming hymns standing in front of the mirror in the huge bathroom.  No he was not a Christian; he was a Hindu and personally conducted the grand Lakshmi pujo every year in the pujo room on the roof.  I still love Lakshmi pujo for the typically Bengali coconut laddoos or ‘narkeler naroo.’

We did not live far from my ‘dadur bari’ (house), just a ten-minute walk from Sarat Banerjee Road to Lake Avenue.  Dadu would stop outside our door on his way back from his morning walk to collect his share of the sandwich toast (sandwich toaster was a new addition in our house and made breakfast more exciting in those days).  He would announce his presence with two sharp taps of his hardy walking stick, take the packed sandwich and be off to sit at his breakfast table by 8 a.m.  I have often been invited to his breakfast and knew his menu by heart – a glass of eggnog, an egg poach with lightly buttered toasts or the sandwich toast, jam and a cup of Darjeeling tea poured from the teapot.  Sometimes the menu changed to Indian ‘luchi’ and ‘tarkari’ – most often on special occasions like a grandchild’s birthday, festival or ‘jamai-shoshti’ etc. 

Dadu often invited my dada and me to special Sunday lunches at sharp 12.30 p.m.  We soon knew these lunches would have exotic fowl meat on the table, cooked to perfection under his scrutiny.  On such days he would go to New Market very early in the morning, buy his favourite partridge or bard, and come back home, send a handwritten note inviting us and then get down to the business of supervising the lunch preparations. 

I often had my birthday lunch with dadu on the 5th of September and I remember eagerly watching out for the handwritten invitation every year.  On one such birthday dadu sent me a note with a message – “Be learned like your mother and educated like your father.”  I shall never forget that sentence. 

Dadu’s dinner time was 8 p.m. after which he would sit down to write his diary and I wrote many pages in his diary as per his dictations.  Yes, I enjoyed taking his dictation even though there were sentences and words I did not understand at that young age.  My parents would drop me off at dadu’s place before their evening walks and then fetch me before nine.  Dadu had a tin box divided into different sized sections and each night he would keep his accounts and then put every coin into the right section – I enjoyed doing that too!


Who was dadu?   He was Preo Nath Hore.  He had lost his own mother when a small child but grew to love and respect his step-mother.  She lived in their village home with her biological sons, but always looked forward to the yearly visits my parents and I made loaded with love and gifts from her beloved stepson – my dadu.  My grandfather studied in St.Xavier’s Calcutta and graduated from the same college to become a popular Inspector of schools in the Darjeeling district under the British rule.  

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Little lessons of life and knowing about my caste

My first marriage was a great lesson about the big, bad world outside.  I had been brought up steeped in morals, ethics, principles and discipline.  I automatically endowed my new family with the same qualities.  Day after day, year after year I came to understand that my parents’ teachings and moral values were of a distant land and era.  Each day tore apart the cushion of love and uprightness I had known to be a part of me.  When Mamoni (Ashok’s mother) knew about my second pregnancy she could not believe how a smart girl like me allowed it to happen.  Her idea was since I had been an airhostess I should be aware of contraceptives and things like that to avoid conception.  It was taken for granted that as an airhostess I must have been sleeping around all those years in the airlines and knew how to be smart in such matters.  Mamoni, as far as I could make out, was not being acrimonious or derogatory about it; she was just stating a fact as popularly believed.  This incident again made me wonder about my parents’ planet of origin. 

Both my parents did not know falsehood, cheating or any devious qualities that are so much part of life and the world.  Baba (Gyanendra Chandra Deb) would leave for work in his chauffer-driven Zephyr car promptly on the hour and be back at the scheduled time in the evening.  Dada and I knew it as a rule to come back from playing sharp at six p.m.  And after a little chat or admonitions from Baba we would gather to sing Brahmo Sangeet for an hour with Ma at the organ.  Then it would be time for studies and then a blissful hour of being completely on our own when both parents would go for a walk before dinner.  We could proverbially 'let down our hair' after dinner when all of us would be involved in serious discussions about anything and everything under the sun; but mysteriously never touched the nether part of life I realise now.   

Knowing about our caste

Our home did not have any altar or any particular worship area; we just knew that every corner of the house was holy and respect for everything and everyone was the unspoken command.  By the time I was in high school, my school – St. Mary’s Carmel School was applying for government affiliation.  This required some government forms to be filled up by the students or their parents.  Quite naturally I gave it to my mother (Bela Deb) to do the needful.  She paused at a particular point and asked my father which box to tick.  The question was about religion and caste – something we were totally ignorant about.  Baba got very upset as he had not expected a catholic missionary school to come up with such questions.  But one cannot ignore a government form and I had to go back to school the next day, so finally the form was duly filled and I came to know that we were Brahmins by birth.  Much later in life I came across people, especially women who would question me on my caste and religion.  Yes I have often floored them with the Brahmin fact – I noticed how attitudes go through a sea change when they know the truth.  Somewhere in our minds we Indians still harbour strange reverence for Brahmins.  

Promises are made to be honoured

I shall never forget that day (it was 3 days after my marriage to Ashok Bose).  Before signing on the marriage certificate or license or whatever, he had solemnly promised not to drink after that day.  For the first 3 days he was as good as his word and I was quite happy that things would be taking a good turn and this marriage was not a failure after all.  I could not find Ashok from morning that fateful day; I asked everyone in the house, the servants, the yoga teachers who came in the morning.  But no one knew where Ashok was, till the youngest servant said he had spotted him downstairs drinking in the cowshed where Meghu and his men kept their cows.  I went; I saw and came upstairs, hid myself behind some furniture and howled as if it was the end of the world.   Rooma (Ashok’s sister) came to console me and said many comforting words, none of which registered in my brain.  I was crying not so much that he had betrayed my trust but because he had uprooted my entire upbringing.  How can anyone promise and then break it?  How can one be so flippant with one’s sacred vows?  Is this another world?  Was this an endless pit I had got myself into?  Where was I?

Dada and I had probably been brought up in a straitjacket compared to the parenting principles of today.  Our parents had a no-nonsense attitude; you simply did not lie; you must keep your word without lame excuses.  The word ‘promise’ was hardly ever used at home because keeping your word was of prime importance without having to say ‘promise’.  There was no question of swearing in God’s name – you just did not need to! 

As I have aged I have understood that there are people who make promises to break them or rather promise for the sake of promise with no intention of keeping it.  However, there are others who promise with all good intentions but get delayed due to occupations or the increased hazards of living.  George, my second husband, often failed to keep his promises due to his professional life – he lived and loved working in hotels.  However, he never missed our birthdays or Christmas – always there cooking, arranging a party, games and making sure everyone was having a good time. 


I have tried to instil the same values in my children and know they might flip-flop at times, because they cannot ignore the outside influence.  I know for sure that the inherited values I have passed on to them will be triumphant at all crucial instances.   

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Toning and shaping - every woman's dream

This is an article I had written some time back and thought of sharing it with you.  While training with Indian Airlines for the air hostess job in 1971 we were given plenty of isometric and isotherm exercise routines to follow regularly.  The article is based on one of them.  You might find it useful.

Arm exercise singularly for women

While you are young your figure is probably perfect, or near about; fat accumulates with age and inactivity most of the time.  One day you look into the mirror and you are horrified – your arms look like those of a wrestler!  It happened gradually and you did not notice earlier just as your tummy and sides have become flabby and unbecoming.  Before you reach for the weight-reducing pills, pause because there are other methods of bringing back the tone and shape.  Great isometric exercises for women are here.  

Isometric has a Greek origin, meaning ‘having equal measurement’. I am sure that makes a lot of sense about these exercises – the intention is to put a balance in your body.  The tips below will not take more than thirty minutes of your everyday life; but will give back your thirty years of life, honest.  Let us start on the road to health, happiness and confidence.

Beginning with:

  1. Rear arm contraction: Stand in your hall or bedroom doorway, put your feet slightly apart and relax your body.  Raise your hands, clench your fists and put them away from your body against the door jamb above you.  Now take a deep breath and press hard against that wooden frame. Press and press outwards, this is the contraction period of your exercise.  This exertion tenses your upper arm muscles and also prevents and controls the extra flab.  Relax and do it again; practice whenever you have the time.  You can even do this exercise at office!
  2. Stand erect, feet together and raise your hands to shoulder level.  Fold your raised hands, interlace your fingers and palms with your thumbs pointed upwards joined together.  Now take a deep breath and pull outwards as hard as possible without breaking open your interlaced fingers.  Go back to your original position.  Now join your hands in the raised position, join your palms together.  Now press hard against each other palm, put all your force into it.  Relax and repeat the whole process.  It is not just your arms which benefit from this exercise; your entire upper body enjoys the benefits, too.
  3. Leg and arm contraction: Sit on the floor, yes on the floor, fold your legs together up.  Now put a towel round your feet and hold it from both ends with your hands, bent at the elbow.  Relax, take a deep breath and pull the towel with both hands and at the same time push your feet outwards.  It should be such that you are doing your best to pull the towel towards you and your feet are pushing it away from you.  This conflicting exercise tones up the muscles of your arms, legs and back marvelously.  
  4. Finally an isotonic exercise for women: Isotonic means the tension remains the same and the muscles change in length.  Stand erect, hands stiff and fingers clenched at shoulder height.  Breathe in deep and then extend your hands over head and open your fists, fingers pointed upwards with full strength, as if your fingers are being pulled away from you.  Now pull you hands down to shoulder height abruptly with clenched fists, breathe count two and stretch your arms sideways and open the fist, as if being pulled from both sides.   Bring you hands back to original position with clenched fists.  Now count three and push your hands forward in your front, open your fists and feel as if they are being pulled forward and you are standing your ground.  Now bring back your fists in clenched position to your shoulder height side.  Relax and put your hands down on your sides.  Exhausting?  Well that is the point.  This exercise strengthens and increases the endurance of your shoulders, arms and hands.  It helps to tone up the arm muscles and enhances their appearance.   

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

I am a writer and a freelancer at that. I have been writing successfully for the last 3 years and have repeat clients from the UK and some other countries.  However, I am still on the lookout for more projects and clients or buyers.  Anyone reading my blogs and in need of content writers, SEO content, articles on health, relationship, yoga, food, travel, serious product reviews, nature, research work and educational write-ups – please do not hesitate to contact me.  My email id is: chitralekha.shalom@gmail.com  My cell number is: +91 8697975454.  
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Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Mamoni - Ava Rani Bose

2nd July - 37 years back

Today is Mamoni's 37th death anniversary.  Mrs. Ava Rani Bose died on the 2nd of July 1976 at around 2p.m. at Calcutta Hospital on Diamond Harbour Road, Kidderpore, Calcutta.  She was forty-nine plus and had already seen her four grandsons and she seemed to still have the zest to see her daughter, Rooma married off grandly.

I met Mamoni in 1971 when I was employed with Indian Airlines and Ashok took me to his home in North Calcutta to meet his family.     That is the first time I met both husband and wife - Buddha Bose (in his flaming orange-red silk lungi and a white kurta) and an extremely large extraordinarily fat Ava Rani Bose. My first impression was that of a very warm and loving personality. I came to know she had suffered from meningitis in the past, and though she escaped death she was left with a constant running nose and an enormous increase in weight.

I believe Mamoni was among the very few ladies in Calcutta who used to drive her own car in the fifties and sixties - well when I met her she was practically house-bound and only wore an orange skirt below same colour front-buttoned top.  She spent her whole married life at her father's residence in Rammohan Roy Road - but she was always alert and active.  Mamoni ruled the roost there and took care of every family member's likes and dislikes; the cook took instructions from her every morning and honestly no one ever complained of neglect, not even the brood of servants.

I learned cooking from her and became expert in a few dishes like - 'baatichachari', fried chicken, kalo-jeerer jhol, keema curry, bhaja muger dal, etc.  Mamoni was a fantastic cook - awesome.  She simply loved good food and relished feeding others. She would sit through an entire meal just watching anyone enjoying the delicious spread - somehow she used to be gratified by seeing the other person well-fed.

I must admit today I never sensed a single mean streak in her.  When I look back today I can understand her pain and discomfort as she had to be sitting up all night propped against huge bolster pillow, so that her running nose did not suffocate her.   Yet she would be the first one to wake me up, just in case, to give my first born his early morning feed.   I gained profound knowledge from her about childbirth, taking care of babies, feeding, clothing, home remedies, oil massage and so much more.  Mamoni would quietly snooze in the sitting position after the morning domestic activities had been taken care of - duties duly delegated to each and everyone.

Education is not about going to fancy institutions and having a list of degrees behind a name, I believe.  My maternal grandfather, who used to be an Inspector of schools under the British rule said it is good to be learned but it is more important to be educated.  Mamoni personified that saying to the proverbial 't'.   she had studied up to the eighth  standard before getting married; yet she was wise beyond her years all the way through.  One prominent example of this is her visionary quality.  1974 even before my first child was born she settled part of her property in New Alipore for my future sons.  This was done to safe-guard the property from my husband Ashok's alcoholic tendency of selling it for money to buy drinks.  The same type of settlement was done with another part of the property in the name of Arun's (prone to drinking too) sons.  

Mamoni was terrifically enterprising, even in her confined condition.  She found ways of extra income by stitching cloth purses with drawstrings and beautifully embroidered.  Members of the institute were often her customers, who by word of mouth brought her more customers.  Another project was selling a tall glass of saboo-dana in milk to each and every yoga teacher who were employed by Yoga Cure Institute.

All said and done, I am still mystified by two things in her life and both are related to yoga.
1. Her husband, Buddha Bose was a renowned Yoga guru and therapist - so why could not he find some way of helping his wife recuperate from this illness?
2. Towards the end of her life, Mamoni shifted to her New Alipore residence, rather to the small outhouse which she had gifted to her daughter, Rooma.   The shifting happened in April 1976 and she died in July 1976 and the circumstances that led to her death is what mystifies me even today.  Here she lived with her daughter, husband and the Nepali maid; while I lived in the rooftop of the main building with my two infant sons.  May and June proved to be too hot in the rooftop room with glass windows, so I had gone to live with my parents in June.  It was in the morning of 25th or 26th June, 1976 that Rooma came to see me and said that I should help her contact Dr. Chaddha immediately as her mother was lying unconscious from last night! The moment I heard the details I uttered it must be cerebral hemorrhage ( I am a layperson) and my parents and I were shocked to know that the patient had been left like that all night without any medical help!?  Anyway, I immediately sped off with Rooma to the doctor's clinic and then trailed him to his various visiting hospitals but could not contact him (no mobiles in those days). There and then I decided to return home (New Alipore) and scout for any doctor in the area.  Fortunately on the way back we met Ashok's friend who had just become a practicing physician and implored him to check Mamoni.  He was on his way to a high profile interview, but he delayed his appointment.  The moment he saw Mamoni he exclaimed 'what have you people done? Why did you not call the ambulance?'  I still remember those words.  Of course the ambulance came now and Mamoni made her last journey to Calcutta Hospital, where she survived on external apparatus for five days before passing away on the 2nd of July.
I am mystified that in spite of being experienced yoga teachers with a vast knowledge about ailments, illnesses, physiology etc and their cure, why did Buddha Bose and his daughter not identify Mamoni's condition and ask for help immediately?  Why was she allowed to wallow in her sputum, cough and excreta in a coma stage the whole night?      Why?

One thing that nags me is that Mamoni made me promise something a few days before she had the attack.  I had gone to visit her with my eldest son, Icecream (named by her) for lunch she made.  When I was about to leave she grabbed my hand and asked me to promise that I would never ever take 'diksha' from my Baba or father-in-law (Buddha Bose).  I found that was pretty weird but promised by touching her (usual way of promising with most people) and never asked her why - because I was brought up never to question elders!!!  I never did and at this late age can guess why she made me promise. Amen!

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

childhood flasback

Today is the 26th of June - dada would have been 62 today if he had been around.  Funny to think of him as old; he died in a freak car accident at the age of 37 years on 10th December, 1988.  Ma always made 'payesh' (sweet dish made of milk, rice,sugar and jaggery sprinkled with cashew, pista, kishmish and yes tejpata) on our birthdays, so common with most Bengali families, and it always turned out to be excellent.  Well, on one such 26th June the payesh was kept for cooling and meanwhile dada and I started our usual fights.  The fight culminated in dada picking up a slipper and aiming it at me which smoothly sploshed on the huge kadai of payesh! What happened after that is anybody's guess but I remember lapping up freshly-made payesh in the evening.

My mother, dada & I


The tejpata reminded me of a funny incident. In those days if Ma was cooking she loved to add tejpata in most of the dishes. I remember it was sunday and while we all sat down for lunch Baba jokingly exclaimed why there was no tejpata in the rice!! Ma went red - present around the table were a couple of pishis, my kaku and Haren jethu besides us four.

Dada and I would quarrel over the slightest thing - relatives said this is what happens when two siblings are born pitho-pithi (close to each other). The reason for our quarrels could be anything - making of our beds at night, polishing our shoes, listening to songs (he would insist on Cliff Richard, Elvis Presley, Pat Boone records) and I would insist on Rabindra sangeet just to spite him.  Scuffing, scratching, boxing, pulling hair were part of our lives on any given day.  I am not ashamed to say the quarrels continued even after I became a mother of four kids. Our bonding was special - he completely relied on me and i did the same. When I married George in 1985 and moved off to Secunderabad with the children in tow dada was in Bombay working at Tata Shipping.  As soon as he came to know I had left |Calcutta, he quit his job and came home. He was very upset with me and sent me a letter to say he had been working in Bombay because he knew I was there in the city close to our parents; and that I should never have left without a warning. I miss my dada even today.

After dinner Baba enjoyed discussing everything under the sun (and sometimes beyond!) with kaku and jethu.  This hour and more was serious business and if we children (yes we were allowed to be present and ask questions too) spoiled these sessions with our stupid fights there was always only one option -out of the house for sometime.  Lake Avenue was a quiet neighborhood and two of dada's friends lived right next door - so one wolf whistle and out they would come.
They would greet us with - 'so you guys are out for your after-dinner walk?' and then followed by laughs, more friendly jeering and catch-catch games. Sometimes our 'night-out' punishments would be brief, which suited all of us, but there were times when it could stretch for a longer period.  Of course the friends would leave and then dada and I would get into our garage (which had an opening above the door) and settle inside the car.  In those days people did not lock cars - thank God for that especially during winter!  No matter what, now I wonder did it stop us from fighting?  No! These were great 'small' adventures and we thoroughly relished them secretly, even if we did not realise then.

However much we fought, we never squealed on each other.  Our parents knew they could never make us open our mouths against each other and they respected that attitude.  So even if I knew dada took money from the drawer and sent the cook to buy those 'latta' fish for his fish 'choubacchha' (tank) or asked the other help to get him a couple of 'chinese pigeons' I would never tell on him.  But then it did not matter, Baba always came to know and then we all know what followed.  this is not to say I was a perfect girl - no way, but i wish dada was around to give his side of the story.  Yes, my childhood seems to have been obliterated after 1988.  Happy birthday dada!  I am sure Ma has made payesh for you in that land where we all must go one day.

Friday, 14 June 2013

Life is going on now. This morning when I was sitting quietly with my cuppa a thought came to my mind - love brings with it all positive aspects of human nature. A person who loves has compassion, forgiveness, kindness, flexibility, morality, ethical sense, abundance of joy and goodness, shares with all and sundry, and is totally immune to all negative energies.  So why not pray to God to drench the whole universe and every soul with love, love and love.  If each one of us has this prayer in his or her lips and heart every moment of every day the world will become a better place.  So here is praying to be drenched in love and only love from hereon.  God be with us all.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Life as a divorcee

Before proceeding with the details below I should like to talk about what happened last night and this morning.  Some words spoken by a family member hurt me at the core and I could think of nothing except to end my life.  I went through my routine activities as usual (habits die hard), while all the time I was contemplating the swiftest way to end my life.  Won’t go into the gory details but yes when I lay down I prayed it would be my last sleep on this earth. I even wrote a mail to a close friend saying – I do not wish to see another light of day.  I did not die in the night, woke up, said my prayers silently in bed as usual and the first thought that came to my mind was that of Savarkar and his prison cell in Cellular Jail.  You can see a picture of it on this site:  http://www.tripadvisor.in/LocationPhotos-g297584-d499995-w4-Cellular_Jail-Port_Blair_South_Andaman_Island_Andaman_and_Nicobar_Islands.html#last   I had been to the jail in 1971 with my flight crew (I was an airhostess with Indian Airlines once upon a time) and had seen the pitch black cell where the freedom fighter had been imprisoned.  God reminded me of something I had seen more than 40 years ago – why?  To let me know to be careful of what I wish for (not see another light of day?).  I am grateful for this lesson.  Another thing that I think I understood is that when a person commits suicide it is because of some terribly deep hurt which triggers the fatal action. 

Now going back to my life as a divorcee – it was not a breeze and neither was it all misery.  It was a package deal and taught me a few lessons in life.
1.  Society at large does not sympathise with a divorcee but can have empathy for even a shady widow.
2. A divorcee is taken to be an easy lay by men, because she has just left a man and is presumably looking for a new bed partner.  The approaches have been overtly crude and direct at times.
3. A divorcee is generally shunned at social gatherings by married women of her age – their fear that the divorcee is out to grab their husbands.  Slowly you start feeling like an outcast.  Young unmarried men would be tarred if seen talking to a divorcee and the family would bend backwards to get him married off to a suitable virgin.       
4. I also made good friends of both the sexes during this period, friends who stood by me without wanting anything in return.  I am still in touch with those who are still alive.  
5. Being a divorcee also meant having a price tag rumoured around in hushed voices.  But life still went on. 



   
I remember the evening I left the above address – I had put our personal belongings and the kids into the taxi and turned to say something to Rooma.  But I could not stop myself from saying “God bless you” and rushed inside the cab and drove off.  This is the gate where I took my leave while the yoga classes were still going on the left side.  The house in the extreme right is the one bequeathed to the grandsons; the first floor to my brother-in-law’s 2 sons and the second floor to my 2 sons, even before they were born, by their grandmother, late Ava Rani Bose, who died on 2nd July 1976. 

I stayed at my parents’ for the first month with my little daughter as I had admitted my 2 sons into KNH (German) contributed concession boarding in St. Thomas School, Kidderpore.  My parents were sympathetic and the relations became over-sympathetic (very uncomfortable).  Questions were raised in seeming concern and I grabbed the invitation from a friend in Delhi to spend sometime with her.  When my daughter (who I had to admit in St. Thomas School for girls) and I returned from Delhi my mother said relatives were worried about my younger sister’s chances of getting good marriage proposals with a divorced elder sister in the same house.   It hit me like a ton of bricks, added to the fact that I would be asked to attend weddings in the family circle as an after thought like – ‘you must also come with your children’, were just plunging the painful dagger deeper into my heart.  I also understood my mother’s predicament and as luck would have it I came across an old friend who was looking for a flat mate.  By this time I had acquired a job and my parents wanted my daughter to stay back with them, so things started to fall in place albeit slowly. 

First we put up in small place in south Calcutta and then we were able to find a wonderful ground floor flat in cornfield road.  The elderly landlady Mrs.Guha just wanted to meet our parents before the final deal was made.  So my mother and my friend’s father arrived on the given date and we became legal tenants in a great locality. 

The locality mattered to me a lot because I did not want my kids to come home and mix with undesirable children; so even if the rent was high my friend and I felt happy and compromised on other things.  Like on food and some avoidable luxuries till such time when my kids came on holidays.  My friend’s son would visit us sometimes as he lived with his paternal grandparents and aunt who doted on him.

A couple of times when we (my friend and I) could afford it we took the children to the nearby Chandipur sea beach.  Visits to the Calcutta Zoo, New Market, and Park Street especially in Christmas time and relatives’ homes were also frequent.  The point was to keep life as near normal as possible for my children.  I still do not know whether I have been successful in my endeavours.    

During this time my job required me to visit certain places in South India and in the bargain got to see the Tirupati temple (evenings are out of this world with the voice of Lata Mangeshkar reciting the stotras on the public system all over the hills) and the Meenakshi temple.  I also had the fortune to socialise with certain Maharajas and Maharanis.  Yes life was not all that bad. 


Coming back to reality practical everyday life was becoming harassing, in spite of loyal friends.  It was 1985 (3 years as a divorcee gone by) and I met George Shalom.  A most ordinary, hardworking, divorced person and we soon tied the knot.  The foremost thought on my mind was to provide a normal home to my children.  My friend too settled down with someone who had a similar background.  The story from here is long, eventful, tearful, joyful – a roller-coaster ride.        

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Moral Courage!?

                                                        Moral Courage


Buddha Bose – A Peek into the Past

April 1983 saw the passing away of a great yoga pioneer of Calcutta, maybe of India.  Buddha Bose passed away quietly in a Calcutta hospital at the ripe age of beyond seventy years.  He had cured many an illness through yoga and quietly tried to make it a popular choice for cure among the ordinary citizens of India for more than forty decades before he closed his eyes. 

I knew him from 1973 to 1982 and had the good fortune to be quite close to him because I was his eldest daughter-in-law.  I am in the evening of my life, maybe even twilight and felt this urge to write some memoirs of people who influenced me in some ways – Buddha Bose (Baba) was one of them.  Whatever is written here is what I can remember from his narration of his life in small snippets and at that time I had decided to write about his childhood and emergence as yoga expert.  He had been quite excited about the prospect, but unfortunately, life had more in store for me before I could put pen to paper seriously.   

He was born to an English mother and an Indian, Bengali father.  His mother was a niece to the then archbishop of Canterbury; her maiden name was Amy Johnson.  His father’s name was Raja Bose, a resident of north Calcutta, who had gone to England to study.  Raja Bose became enthralled by Houdini and his magic tricks and worked as an assistant on the stage for sometime.  Amy Johnson fell in love with the dashing Raja Bose on one such magic show.    

Raja Bose had been married at home to a Bengali girl before he departed for England; obviously he was not happy with the arranged alliance and the marriage was not consummated or so it seems.  Where and how Amy Johnson and Raja Bose got married was never revealed by Baba but before sailing back to India the couple became proud parents to a daughter and a son.  The daughter, Poppy was the first child and Baba was the second child born to Raja and Amy Bose. 

Baba had said that on reaching Calcutta port his English mother, his sister and he were put up at the Great Eastern Hotel by his father before he went home.  Every morning from the next day on Raja Bose would take the hackney carriage to come to the hotel and spend time with his family.  Evenings he would return to his home duly.  These daily excursions aroused suspicion in Buddha Bose’s grandfather, who made it a point to follow his son one day.  After discovering that he was already a grandfather to two beautiful grandchildren, he brought the mother and two kids to live with the family in the family home. 

Soon a younger brother David was born and on the same day a boy, Ambar was born to the Bengali wife of Raja Bose.  Apparently, Baba’s English mother could not digest this fact and insisted on returning to England.  She wrote to her father, who sent a two penny coin and expressed his feelings with the sentence – “I care tuppence for you.” As Amy Bose was determined to go back to England her Indian father-in-law arranged the fare but requested for one of the grandchildren to be left behind with him – Buddha Bose was chosen to remain with his grandfather.  His mother refused to keep her daughter with the Indian family as she did not expect them to bring up a girl properly and David was too small to be separated from his mother.  Baba said he was only three and a half years old at that time when he was left behind by his mother.  

Baba said he was distraught and upset at the departure of his mother but the Bengali mother took him under her wing and looked after him as her own.  He was British fair and his skin pigmentation stood out among the darker Indians wherever he went.  The color became a stigma as in those days most Hindu Indians considered anyone outside their particular caste as rejects or ‘mlechhas’.  So when young Buddha Bose went to friends’ place he was made to stand outside the house; if he requested for water he would be served in a copper tumbler which would be thrown in the dustbin after he drank.  Events took a nasty turn when he with his half-brother, Ambar, went to the Bengali mother’s parental home on some invitation.  As is usual in such occasions, the children were made to sit down to dinner before the adults were served; Baba sat down to eat with the other kids.  The Bengali mother’s elder brother came to check on the serving and found young Buddha sitting among the children; he got furious and pulled him by his ears and shouted how he dare sit with the rest at the same table.  Baba said this incident brought out the ferocious maternal instincts in his Bengali mother who took hold of both the kids and rushed out, never to go back to her parents’ place again.  

Baba was growing up in the family home but some things disturbed him to the extent he decided to leave home.  He said he would feel terribly frustrated to witness his father’s violent eruptions on his Bengali mother at nights when he would come home drunk.  Baba felt helpless as he could not intervene or stop the daily madness. By this time Baba had become acquainted with Bishnu Charan Ghosh and his body building and yoga culture.  He found a place to stay at the Ghosh’s College of Physical Education and excelled in the physical expositions.  It is here he also came to know Swami Yogananda, elder brother of Bishnu Charan Ghosh. 

Baba’s life took a turn for the better from here.  He joined the Calcutta Corporation and received a salary of one rupee and soon even managed to start a business named “Amerind”.  His sanitary ware business took him to America and England quite often and in one of these trips he had gone to meet his English mother.  It must have been an intensely emotional moment in his life because Baba stopped relating anything further that day to me; he was choked with emotions. 

Later Baba told me how his mother survived with his sister and brother in an England where she was rejected by the church as well.  Amy Bose found shelter in an attic room above a shop where she worked for the owners.  As the children were still small she had to lock them up in the room while she went to work.  Baba never told me if and when Poppy and David became Christians, neither am I aware of other details of their lives, except they were married with children.  I met David’s son Geoffrey when he came to Calcutta on his way to England from Zambia, he resembled my husband Ashok strongly. 
Meanwhile, Bishnu Charan Ghosh’s eldest daughter, Ava Rani was in her early teens and the family was looking for a proper match for the budding youngster.  After looking high and low for the perfect groom, it dawned on Ava Rani’s grandfather that the ideal match was right under their nose – Buddha Bose.  There was a good gap of fifteen years between the prospective bride and groom but the alliance was made with everyone’s blessings.  Baba and Mamoni (Ava Rani Bose) lived their entire married life at the same house, where they also had three children – two boys and one girl.      

Baba continued doing his business and in one of his flights back to India, the Panam Airlines plane crashed into the Beirut desert and burst into flames.  The horror was still evident in his eyes while he related the accident.  He said when he came to he realized he was immobilized and quite sunken into the hot desert sand; he looked around to see his co-passenger Mr.Goenka was also in a similar state.  Fire was raging, people were screaming, he could hear the painful cries of small kids who were also traveling in the plane.  All of a sudden he saw the notorious Beirut bandits emerge from nowhere on horses and start looting the completely helpless passengers.  He still remembered how the bandits snatched the earrings off a woman’s ears while she was burning and crying out for help.  He also remembered how a pregnant woman’s stomach burst and threw out the unborn baby.      

The accident damaged Baba’s spine and Mr.Goenka’s leg.  The airlines managed to rescue the surviving passengers and did everything possible to heal the injured.  Ultimately, the American doctors provided Baba with a belt to support his spine and to be worn for the rest of his life. 

On his return to India and home, Baba was constrained and could not continue with his work as before.  He said at this point he felt the urge to go to Kailas Mansarovar; a dangerous mission in those days, both as a route and also because it was in Chinese territory.  He managed to reach Kailas Parvat.  His said one day he sat in meditation for hours without wearing the belt and as usual went to bathe in the freezing water.  He finished his bath and just walked on to his tent and did not realize he was not wearing the belt until his helper and guide pointed it out.  Baba said ever since then he did not need to wear the belt and stored it carefully. 

Baba went back to Kailash and Mansarovar many times after that and even filmed one of his pilgrim trips.  He even held private shows in the city on his return for many of the Calcutta residents, who were awed to see the holy place in reels.  Rumors were abounding in those days that some foreigner had filmed it and this Bengali was taking the credit.  Unfortunately, people were not aware of Baba’s English blood line and his skin color, so in a scene where his hand came in front of the camera, it was naturally deduced it was the work of a ‘foreign hand’.

I came to know Baba when he had already established Yoga Cure Institute and was always dressed in either ‘dhoti’ and ‘panjabi’ or saffron colored ‘lungi’ and a white kurta.  I remember his sparkling white feet either barefoot or slipped into a pair of black leather sandal.  The feet were worthy of doing ‘pranam’ to receive his blessings.  I used to sit in the consulting room where he would question the members/patients and listen carefully to his detailed mode of queries.  I learnt what, how and when to ask and find out the problem with the person.  I learnt every individual had an individual constitution and the same ailment in two people needed different asana.  I learnt by watching and listening how to make a chart and how to teach asana and pranayam.  This learning gave me the knowledge necessary to help many ladies later in life, by God’s grace.  One other ting I received from Baba was the Bhagvad Gita – he gave it to me and asked me to start by reading the third chapter.  I did so for many years and then went on to read the Gita in full.  I have continued reading ten stanzas from this rich book of knowledge to this day.        

Baba never advertised or promoted his Yoga Cure Institute; people came in through word of mouth.  That itself explains his expertise in the field and the sincerity with which he pursued this healing process to help others in pain.  Everyone called him “Guruji” and he initiated many into ‘kriya yoga’, that he had learnt from Swami Yogananda. 

I remember Baba’s twinkling black eyes and his quirky sense of humour.  During the period I was there he had picked up the ‘f’ word from somewhere and kept laughing at the funny sound of the word.  Yes, one could discuss anything and everything with him, irrespective of one’s age.  He made you feel comfortable and secure to open your heart to him easily.   

Chitralekha Shalom

D/o Late Gyanendra Chandra & Bela Deb (Sharma)

This is me!

In the year 1982
After my crafty divorce and the heart-wrenching pain of betrayal I tried to gather up my life.  Not so much for myself as for my 3 small kids - I could not even cry in their presence because a friend of mine had me promise never to shed tears of despair in front of the children.  I got employed and then through friends got in touch with some highly placed photographers in Calcutta - for any modelling work.  Extra income, you know.  This picture was taken at a renowned studio - it belonged to the father of a famous swimmer and now a polo player.  However, it came to nothing because i was required to forgo work for atleast a week and only rest to remove the slightest dark circles under the eyes.  As I was told the camera does not lie.  I could not take the risk of taking long leave or quitting work.  There was no guarantee I would become a well paid model.  Anyway I love this photo because at this point of my life I was married, divorced mother of 3, yet good enough to be considered for modelling.  Great morale booster, who cares what anyone says.

My sorrows

What I am about to reveal may cost me a lawsuit or a jail term or whatever the lawyers wish to do.  Honestly I couldn’t care less; not any more after having slogged my whole life trying to make two ends meet.  I shall be sixty-one this September and have no idea whether my sons will ever get their rightful heirloom – I found there are many false documents legalised to support the opposite party’s false claims. 

Both cases mentioned here are over and judgements passed years ago.  However, I am questioning one vital factor – do lawyers follow any code of ethics?  Do they adhere to any moral compunction by default or is it left to personal choice?  In the first case I mention here, I also want to know whether a judge has the prerogative to smell something wrong and find out the truth before passing any judgement.  I know the courtroom drama is all about hard-core evidence and not emotions – but the judgement is about humans and for humans who inherently have emotions. 

The first is about my divorce from Ashok Bose facilitated by Tarun Kumar Banerjee – case no filed in the year 1981 and the decree given out in the year 1982. 
One evening in the year 1981 Buddha Bose (my then father-in-law) and Rooma Bose (my then sister-in-law) asked me to get ready and come along with them somewhere.   Did as told without questioning, as usual, leaving my 3 kids with Swapna (my late brother-in-law’s widow) her 2 kids and Bhabani (a Nepali maid).  We went to a house in kalighat, which turned out to be a lawyer’s chamber – more explicitly Mr. Tarun Banerjee’s Chamber.  Sitting in this room Buddha Bose said he wanted me to divorce Ashok and then he would adopt me so I need never leave the house.  He said it was imperative that I take divorce so Ashok, whom he had thrown out with the help of Bulu Ghosh and some big shot in the bureaucracy, would not make an excuse of coming back to the house to visit me or the kids.  The word divorce did raise questions in my mind; however, as I and my children were completely at the mercy of Buddha Bose and his daughter I agreed to whatever they proposed.  My only priority in life at that time was to keep my children safe and sound in their rightful home, at the feet of their grandfather. 

Thereafter, I would often be sent to the lawyer’s chamber if and when he wished to clarify any point or get my signature.  Of course these visits were always paid for by Buddha Bose, since I had no income or bank balance.  Even the lawyer’s fees were sent through me from time to time.  By the time the divorce was more or less final, things were changing at home – the attitudes of the family members gradually became distant and I started feeling like a most unwelcome guest in my in-law’s place.  I cannot put my finger on any exact event or situation but one fine day I was simply asked to leave the house with the kids by Rooma.  Now the house we were in was actually Rooma’s, it was a gift from her mother and the house that was settled for the grandsons was at the time leased to Reserve Bank of India; and Buddha Bose lived on the roof where he had built a well-fitted out flat-cum-pooja room.  He did not come down from there for seven days while I waited to ask him where I would go with the 3 children.  There was no way of contacting him and I was not given the key to the main door.  Finally, after being asked to leave practically every night I collected our few belongings and left for my parents’ place in a taxi, taking it for granted that I would take the fare from my parents. 
The day the decree was given I was called by Tarun Banerjee to come and collect it from his chambers in the evening.  He was aware I was no longer in New Alipore.  When I reached his chambers there was no other client in the room.  He smiled and asked me to sign a few papers before handing over the decree – the first in the bunch was Bank of Tokyo name or account withdrawal form.  I asked him why I should do that.  He replied if I did not sign all the papers as asked there would be scandalous rumours spread about me in Calcutta and I would find it very difficult to live here.  I remember going red and horrified with such low-class insinuations I simply signed all the papers without even seeing what I was signing.  I distinctly remember Tarun Banerjee’s last words as he handed me the decree – “You can get married again tomorrow."

I went to meet Mr. Tarun Banerjee recently after I came to Calcutta – he is aged now.  As he mentioned he is 76 years but he has done well for himself; he is a renowned divorce lawyer in Calcutta and his chambers in Fern Road is plush and air-conditioned.  At first he posed not to recognise me (last we met was in 1982 and it is 2013 now) and then said I used to be a very thin young girl in those days (regular yoga practice kept me in form).  Once recognition dawned on him I asked him a couple of questions.   One – who was his client during my divorce case?  He replied Buddha Bose.  Next I asked him did he not wonder as to why would I, a 29 year old woman with 3 children seek divorce, especially since I had no job, no money, and no boyfriend.  Mr. Banerjee said he had asked Buddha Bose why this divorce and got the reply that he, Buddha Bose would free me from Ashok Bose, his son and then do some financial settlement for his grandchildren and me.  I asked the esteemed lawyer why he made me sign a sheaf of papers and threaten me with defamation etc. when he knew very well that I had been thrown out of the house by my in-laws.  Mr.Banerjee ‘lost his memory again’ and said he did not remember the incident.


Mr.Banerjee then asked me the reason for my visit (since time is money and there was some financially-sound clients sitting in the waiting room).  I showed him the deed of settlement which named me as trustee for the property bequeathed to my sons by their grandmother, late Ava Rani Bose in 1974.  He got interested and said he would love to read the whole thing if I could give him a typed version of the deed, which is an original certified copy from the registration office in Dalhousie.  I got it in 1998.  I have not gone back for fear of my eyes welling up with tears again with all the pain and hurt in his presence.  

Please comment

Hello everyone and I mean all of you who are reading this.  Thank you for your precious attention.  You see I am still trying to get the hang of owning a blog and learning everyday how to navigate the page(s) on my own.  there are so many things to know like - template, form, label, community etc etc.  Honestly it is mind boggling and yet wonderfully challenging.  Yes, I am a freelance writer and have been writing for the past 3 years and more.  Yes I have also written blogs for requester through various websites and got paid for my articles.  Yes I even had and have clients sending me special requests; but I am still clumsy with my own blog page.  Sorry.  I am working on it and will be up to the ,mark very soon I know.  

I just have one request to make - please comment after you read my posts.  It does not matter whether you say a good word or two, or you are critical about any aspect of the post.  I just look forward to your feedback to give me that added boost.  I hope I made sense.  Thank you.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Mini the cat

Before shifting into this flat a couple of months ago we were living in one a storey house in the interiors of Barasat.  That was a very quiet area and completely residential with local pop-and-mom shops.  Most of the houses in the area had no main door – just a collapsible gate that needed to be kept locked at all times.  But the gate could not keep out little furry animals, especially, cats; they could comfortably squeeze through the gaps in the bars.  Mini, (I named her after she made it clear it was her home), seemed to have been a regular resident of the house as the neighbours said.  That she would decide to give birth to 3 teeny-weeny kittens on top of the rice bag came as a shocker, which soon turned into an adventure for me and my grown-up sons.  The first day she meowed and growled (as much as cats can growl) and the neighbours advised us to stay away from the kittens if we did not wish to be scratched in the eyes. 

We couldn’t let the situation be as it is, so as soon as Mini left her babies for a few minutes we swiftly transferred the furry balls into a big plastic tub, padding it up with newspapers and rags at the bottom.  And we had to throw away the rice – nearly 5 kilos of it.  I did not have the heart to throw the kittens far away from the house, as strongly advised by experienced neighbours and so kept the tub close to my bedroom in a warm corner (winter time).  I frantically surfed all information on ‘how to care for newborn kittens’ and learnt they must not be separated from their mother for the first 6 weeks (same as with pups).  

Friday, 31 May 2013

The other side of calcutta

For the last few months I have been living in Calcutta in a place called Barasat.  Even though I was born and brought up in Calcutta I never visited this suburban side of the city before.  Barasat is in the 24 parghanas, north and is yet to look anything like a city.  However, this place is plush with greenery – every where I set my eyes I see the top of swaying coconut trees, supari (betel nut) trees, khejur (date) trees, guava, banana and even  a plum tree close to the house I live in.  Actually, this sight meets the eye from the fifth floor flat with ease, but the scene is entirely different when I look down – the busy, bustling and noisy JessoreRoad is right below.  
Amidst the huge trucks, luxury buses, cars, speeding ambulances, screeching police jeeps looking for right of way I see a new form of conveyance – the van, as it is known locally.  This is an amazing piece of vehicle and I wish I could upload a picture (sorry my laptop camera is dysfunctional) but I shall try to describe it as visually as possible.  The front part is half a cycle which pulls a flat plank of wood propped up on two huge wheels; the driver of the van sits on his cycle seat and gaily carries 4-5 passengers sitting on the plank behind him without a care.  Little children are made to sit in the middle of the wooden plank and are invariably surrounded by adult passengers – safe and sound.  Even though called a van it is absolutely open to the skies and now during the rain the different umbrellas covering the passengers make a pretty picture.  Honestly! 
More on Barasat and the cat who adopted me as the caretaker of her newborn kitties coming up in my next post.    Goodnight. 

life

I never thought about my age ever - not when I was 30, not when I turned 40, not even when I crossed 50.  It is in the last few years that I suddenly realized I am "over the hill" as the saying goes.  The good thing about getting older is you can say and do things you would never imagine earlier - of course not profanity or being  downright rude or anything like that.  Another wow about being old is you get to see your grandchildren coming into this enchanting(!?) world; and I have 3 of them.  Little baggies of joy and exasperation - today I shall share the photos of my 3 grand daughters.  Here they are.





Rudrapriya Bhuraria - Munni (3plus)

Nausheen Bhuraria - Nannu (5plus)
Yuthika Gupte _ Boooboo (4plus)


Booboo-feeling scratchy


Booboo-queen of the house?

Booboo with sweet Lucky

Booboo-sultry queen


Adorable, aren't they?